I was talking with a friend this week about people-pleasing, aging, and the desire (and increasing ability) to be truly comfortable in our own skin. The conversation made me think about “the Maine woman in the summer” archetype I brought up earlier this year, and about that naturalist I met in Colorado whom I have for a year now held as a slightly mythologized model for my own self-regard. My friend agreed and said, “I think having models is important for this” — and then rattled off a couple of women in her life whom she calls to mind routinely for inspiration when she finds herself overly accommodating or in a position of self-doubt. The women she painted were self-assured, focused on what matters, shrugging in the face of awkwardness or performance or drama. Even from afar, I could see each of them were women of substance, whom I have elsewhere described as “someone so at ease with herself, she can give herself to others without self-diminishment or self-projection. She can be happy for friends, and sad for them, too, without losing anything of herself. She can listen without interjecting her own story; she can marvel without battling jealousy; she can endure unkindnesses without questioning herself. She does not need the last word, the biggest laugh, the adulation, the apology: she is full without the feedback. She stands still in her center.”
I realized that — just like my friend — I name-conjure the women of substance in my life frequently. By this I mean that I have specific, girlfriends I think of by name when I’m a) heading into a social setting where I won’t know many people or am feeling anxious; b) in a situation where I feel small and need to stretch my elbows out; c) navigating sticky or tricky relationships. I think of them, and I ask myself: “What would A/J/T do? What would her vibe be in this scenario? How would she stand / unstick herself / ease her way across / respond?” Just bringing them to mind, especially when I’m heading into the situation, draws me to a better, more self-assured headspace.
Do you do this, too? This informal convocation of the women you admire? Who are they and why are they good models for you? Do you have different women you call to mind for different occasions?
Other random thoughts and quotes that crossed my consciousness this week:
“You get what you work for.”
“Art and love are the same thing: it’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.” – Chuck Klosterman
“There will always be a person – who looks like a poem earth wrote to keep you alive.” -Jaunsen Dizon
Sunday Shopping.
I just ordered this Goop dress — it’s called “the Natasha” dress and it reminds me of two Natashas I love: Natasha Richardson in Parent Trap (I think she wears almost this exact dress?!) and Natasha from Sex and the City. Minimalism chic at its peak. I got it for a trip — I feel like it will be ultra-versatile: throw on with leather sandals and a crossbody for day, or pair with a little heel and big necklace at night.
Other features of note: Whitney Bowe’s bestselling lip peptide treatment was just restocked (after selling through!) and I’m eager to try. Still loving my Outset Lip Oasis and UBeauty Lip Plasma (<<use code JENSHOOP for 20% off at UBeauty) but always game to try something new!
I just returned to Laura Mercier’s secret brightening powder after sort of forgetting about it for a few years. It is SO GOOD. Almost invisible on the skin, but adds brightness and obviously sort of “pats” everything into place.
Finally — LOVE these dish towels from Geometry. I have them in a bunch of colors. They are so charming and fun but also highly absorbent. Was thinking this could be a cute add-on to a hostess gift!
GOOP NATASHA DRESS // JENNY BIRD RIO EARRINGS // CLASSIC SIX STRIPED SHIRT // CLASSIC SIX SHORTS // LAURA MERCIER TRANSLUCENT FACE POWDER // FREDA SALVADOR FLATS // URSA MAJOR FACE WASH // GEOMETRY KITCHEN TOWELS (BLUE, GRAY) — USE CODE JEN15 // MARY OLIVER BOOK // CUYANA PALOMA BAG // WHITNEY BOWE LIP TREATMENT
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