+TINY RITUALS FOR A QUIET LIFE: I loved this sequence of mini rituals from Jade Bonacolta, but was especially intrigued by her “two-tab rule.” Do you exercise this restraint? I have been intuitively doing this for my book-writing sessions. I will close out all windows and tabs so I only have my manuscript up, but I always have an extra tab or two open in the manuscript browser because I frequently fact check and sidewind into random pockets of technical language. (I was just researching the foxglove for a piece this week — fascinating etymologically!). I started doing this ostensibly to avoid the distraction of inbound emails, my blog back-end, etc, but I do feel that having less visual clutter in general helps me dial in and live on the page. What other mini rituals help you live a quiet life? My big one is standing outside in the morning, even for only a minute. I do this every day. Once you get comfortable with just looking at the world with no agenda, it becomes a great power pause. Also: rounding up on the parking meter. It helps you hopscotch over an unnecessary inner conversation. What else?
+TWO THINGS THAT MADE ME LAUGH: Major l’esprit de l’escalier (lol, who else can relate?) and what it feels like to move an image in an MS Word document. I never use MS Word but I remember the acute pain of dealing with page breaks, etc.
+OUR SIGNATURE TEE ON SALE: Friends! Our favorite AYR Early Morning Tee is on sale for $80 in the iconic and aptly titled “Magpie Stripe.” I know many of us own and adore these. A perfect hybrid between tee and t-shirt and ideal for — well, early mornings. Throwing on with leggings or jeans for a walk with the dog; tossing on over pajamas while sipping coffee on the back porch; etc. Join the flock! (Lots of other goodies included in the sale, too!)
+WRITING MOTIVATION: “A writer, like an athlete, must train every day. What did I do today to keep in form?” (Susan Sontag). Amen! We have to keep moving the dirt, keep shaking hands with the blank page. I now feel this more than ever as I approach the finish line with my manuscript. I was in good “form” heading into this project, having written daily for years. But it has still been incredibly challenging — as though I’d been regularly walking in the foothills of VA and then suddenly airdropped into a hike at altitude. The stakes are different, the air thinner. I was reminded of something Carol Joyce Oates wrote this week, too: “The first sentence can be written only after the last sentence is written. FIRST DRAFTS ARE HELL, FINAL DRAFTS PARADISE.” Trust Oats before me, but I agree with the statement in sentiment rather than specifics. By that I mean that I am only now getting into a real groove with the book; it’s taken shape, gone from gimcrack to gemlike, and I could only get there after many hours of work. But I also think sometimes my best line-writing comes out with immediacy and can’t be touched by the red pen. Some of it just emerges fully-formed! I can’t explain this.
+EYEING + BUYING: It feels like Cyber Week came early — so many great promotions happening. I shared my top sales and launches from the week here: Veronica Beard! Frank and Eileen! Madewell!
Also sharing some of my top finds this week below, like this fabulous eyelet one-piece I just bought myself (on sale!) and these rope cord sandals from Ann Taylor! They remind me so much of a few higher end styles. Very on trend. This led me to investigate Ann Taylor’s current offerings, and they have a lot of Veronica Beard inspired pieces, like this spectacular brown boxy top. How fabulous with a patterned brown skirt, white high-waist jeans, etc?! Meanwhile, this pleated-waist dress reminds me so much of my G. Label I wore here.
And – my son’s favorite bird-print half-zip is 25% off. I absolutely love the pattern. So fun to let boys wear whimsical patterns like this! I feel like they only get stripes.
Finally, who was going to tell me about Wiley Wallaby licorice?! I’m obsessed. I bought this sampler and we’ve been eating it all week. Delicious — not as sweet as you’d expect.
J. CREW EYELET ONE-PIECE // DORE CLEANSER // POSSE GINGHAM TOP (RESTOCKED!) // LIZZIE FORTUNATO CAMPER NECKLACE (20% OFF) // PISTOLA STRIPE DRESS // ANN TAYLOR ROPE SANDALS // CUYANA PALOMA BAG // MADEWELL SARDINE BAG CHARM // LEWIS BOYS HALF ZIP // WILEY WALLABY LICORICE // J. CREW JELLY FISHERMAN SANDALS
+BESTSELLERS: Lots of you picked up this gorgeous Cuyana tote (in my eyeing and buying roundup above, too) this week — did you get the same bottle green color as I did?! Mine arrived and is SO gorgeous. The shape is so chic and different, and I love the green!
01. CUYANA PALOMA TOTE // 02. DORSEY PARACORD NECKLACE // 03. J. CREW FACTORY CROCHET MINI DRESS // 04. BEADED NECKLACES // 05. LACE TRIM SHIFT DRESS // 06. TUCKERNUCK X STUDIO MCGEE DRESS // 07. KIRA SUNGLASSES // 08. STAUD X BIRKS // 09. GINGHAM BOXER SHORTS // 10. AYR EARLY MORNINGS TEE
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Two tabs is simply not how my brain works. I regularly max out the 500 on safari, and I have over two dozen tab groups I shunt things to. For me, I prefer to see the way things I’m thinking about interconnect. It’s a commonplace book style. That said, when I’m writing, that’s the only window I have open for 20-40 minute chunks. I think my strength is in absorbing multiple sources and synthesizing. That said, I rarely have social media open. That would take me away from my constellation of links and set me on new paths.
If I truly need to close things, I use OneTab chrome extension to save those clusters of links and come back to them when I may open the windows. I also have sound muted nearly always and near zero notifications.
My notes are my lifeline. I don’t think I could function without my million tabs, million pins, physical notebooks. I have one notebook I’ve been working on with college that holds my core principles for my self and my home and I don’t add to it lightly; its core tenet is less but better, and I return to it when I need a reset.
I keep a running note of inbound packages and stuff I’m considering buying, and right up at the top are alternatives to buying. So rather than doing a Sephora order, I get a blowout. Rather than buying new socks, I fold laundry until my sock drawer is plentiful. Rather than buying new home goods, I tidy my linen closet or Tupperware drawer, or dig out something unused like a candle or tablecloth, or rearrange. My husband thinks I buy a lot of things (I am the quartermaster of our house, in charge of all snacks and supplies and new clothes) but I’m very considered and slow to acquire, and for true urgency I usually go in-person to our tiny hardware store
I strongly believe dilution of affection is a thing: I don’t buy my kid 3 more bunnies because she loves her bunny, or myself two new button downs because I love the one I have. I’m okay with replacements but not duplicates.
I regularly “hush.” I heard of house hushing and I do that by taking a photo of my shelves and then removing items until it feels like they can breathe, but I also do this by unsubscribing. I love a cathartic clean. A winnowing.
I think right now I am in a season of pruning. Saying no, letting go of what doesn’t serve me, paring down the wardrobe for simplicity of choice.
I keep our outings in large chunks. I would rather take my kids to the playground for two or three hours than half an hour. It brings me more rest.
I say no to any birthday parties that aren’t close friends or family. I’m very protective of the quiet rest our family needs, since my husband is so busy. I prefer to do an outdoor activity each weekend just the four of us.
I keep a note with names of everyone I know from baby group and their kids’ names and a short description. I keep a note of ongoing things to talk to my friends about next time I see them in person! Something that made me think of them, a question I wanted to ask, an idea for something we could do together, a book I wanted to discuss. If someone’s list is more than two things, I schedule a coffee or lunch. I keep a note of my closest friends’ childcare schedules so I can reach out appropriately to do things with kids or without kids. If I’m feeling lonely (like clockwork in the middle of my cycle) I block out an hour to reach out and make plans for the coming weeks.
I keep house projects and maintenance and family admin on Trello, and I move those things forward at the same time as my monthly bill paying. Not allowing it to take up space in my brain at other times is freeing.
I am deeply bad at knowing where to begin with things like cleaning or laundry, so there’s lists inside my cabinets, along with art and cheerful notes.
I have seasonal rituals mostly around Lent and Advent, they’re the cornerstones of my spiritual life. Seasonally I also like to revisit what worked and what didn’t with gratitude, to rotate the toys and the new sizes of clothes, to repair what needs mending. February I fixed all my leather items, this month I think I’ll repair all my jewelry, and have my husband’s things tailored that he wishes fit better.
My quotidien habits have more to do with ease and the sensory feel of our space. Lighting a candle or putting out a diffuser, dusting, linen spray, emptying all the trash, letting in fresh air, running the air purifier. Dimming the lights every night at 8 (“lamp o’clock”). Clearing the surfaces. Making sure there are no crumbs under foot. Applying lotion and scented oils to all of us after baths. Brushing out my daughter’s hair. Resetting everything into its place when we come back from an outing.
PS: my work in progress file is always titled “WRITE THE BAD DRAFT.” It’s where we all begin! Bonne courage!
OK, I love this alternative/talkback/different perch on the “two tab rule.” So healthful to see other processes — valid, enriching! — too. I so admire your thoughtfulness with the way you approach everything in your life, but especially your note on “the hush.” I have been wanting to do just this with the clutter that continues to accrue in my studio and one specific corner of my bedroom. It’s like a moss-gathering stone: I turn around and there’s another thing there that I’m not sure I have a home for, and so it sits in purgatory. I need to figure out a better process for this — a better way to hush, I guess!
Thanks for all these notes – lots of inspiration here!
xx
Wiley Wallaby is a favorite in our house! I have to buy it on the regular for my husband. He’s obsessed and will keep a package in his nightstand drawer. They really are yummy.
I love this detail about him! An emergency midnight snack! They really are delightful and there’s something about their substantiveness that appeals to me. It really feels like you’re having a DESSERT, not just a few bites you absent-mindedly eat. I need just 1-2 of the Wileys and I’m done. Which are your favorite flavors?
xx
They are the perfect little dessert for me, too and yes, a great emergency midnight snack for him! I love the blasted berry and the classic red. I love that you’ve discovered them!
Thank you for the recs!! xx